Imagine navigating a fog so thick that even the brightest lights around you seem muted, colours dulled, and sounds distant. This is the reality of depression for millions worldwide—a condition often misunderstood, mislabelled, and mishandled.

While society has made strides in acknowledging mental health, some well-meaning actions and phrases can inadvertently deepen the shadows cast by depression rather than lift them. Understanding the nuances of depression is vital, not only to support those affected but also to avoid unintentionally exacerbating their struggle.

A thoughtful perspective has emerged, inspired by a personal story shared by many public figures discussing their experience with depression. Instead of seeing depression as simply sadness or weakness, it is described as a form of “deep rest” — a necessary and challenging time for the mind, body, and soul to undergo significant healing. This viewpoint encourages a shift in how society understands and supports individuals living with depression.

Many who experience depression can relate to the exhaustion that comes from a lifetime of emotional turmoil. For some, childhood was marked by unpredictability and abuse—a relentless storm that leaves the nervous system permanently on high alert. Sleep becomes elusive or unrefreshing; days blur into nights with a persistent heaviness. Emotional pain becomes a constant companion. The effects seep into every relationship and interaction, shaping patterns that can be difficult to break.

Historically, the language surrounding depression in children has been narrow and dismissive. Terms such as “oppositional,” “moody,” or “rebellious” have often been used as catch-all labels that overlook deeper emotional distress. Consider this: oppositional behaviour typically involves defiance without regard for others’ feelings, while moodiness is transient, often triggered by external events. Depression, in contrast, involves prolonged and profound sadness without clear cause or end date. Rebellion focuses on autonomy; depression reflects internal chaos so overwhelming it disrupts coping altogether.

When adults fail to see beyond surface behaviours or lack the emotional maturity to offer support, children learn to shrink away, to disappear emotionally in an effort to survive. This survival tactic can lead to chronic depression, especially when no one intervenes with care or understanding. That sense of invisibility fuels hopelessness.

Fast forward to adulthood: depression remains a heavy cloak. It colours social interactions and relationships. Individuals grappling with it might withdraw from connections or find themselves drawn unknowingly into unhealthy relationships—often with others who are similarly burdened or with those who exploit vulnerability. Recognising these dynamics is crucial for healing.

Yet, despite increased awareness around mental health today, certain phrases commonly uttered to those with depression can do more harm than good—even if spoken with genuine concern. Here are three examples frequently reported by those living with depression:

Firstly, the phrase “I’m here if you need anything.” Sounds supportive on the surface, doesn’t it? But imagine hearing this when you are engulfed in despair so deep that even asking for help feels like scaling an insurmountable mountain. The statement places the burden on the depressed individual to initiate contact or express vulnerability—tasks that can feel impossible when energy and motivation are sapped. It creates a paradox: you need help desperately but are told to reach out first, yet your very condition inhibits that outreach.

Experts from leading universities specialising in mental health always emphasise the importance of proactive support instead. Saying “I’m here for you, and I’ll check in regularly” conveys commitment and reliability—two pillars that can help pull someone through their darkest hours. Consistency matters.

Secondly, “I miss how much fun we used to have” can sting more than intended. On one hand, it expresses nostalgia and a desire for connection; on the other, it may unintentionally highlight loss and reinforce feelings of guilt or shame in someone struggling daily just to exist. Depression often anchors people in the past—holding onto memories both painful and sweet—which complicates efforts to move forward.

Researchers publishing in journals dedicated to psychological health note that dwelling on ‘better times’ without recognising present struggles risks alienating those who cannot ‘snap out’ of their condition. Instead, acknowledging current realities while gently encouraging engagement helps create a bridge back to joy without pressure. You can say “even if you are not feeling excited at the moment we can still enjoy many things together”.

Lastly, the phrase “Just get over it, move on, and let it go” ranks among the most damaging comments directed at people with depression. This simplistic advice reduces a complex medical condition to a matter of willpower or attitude adjustment—an idea categorically refuted by contemporary psychiatric research. Depression involves biochemical imbalances, trauma history, genetic predispositions, and environmental stressors—not merely negative thinking.

Such dismissive remarks often come from individuals who lack emotional intelligence or experience with mental health issues themselves. They inadvertently deepen isolation by invalidating feelings and implying personal failure.

Mental health professionals urge society to replace these harmful platitudes with empathetic statements like “I might not fully understand your experience, but I’m here for you, always”. Validation—simply feeling heard and accepted—is therapeutic in itself.

The impact of misguided comments extends beyond words; it resonates through relationships and self-perception. Depression affects many—no demographic is immune. It crosses all boundaries of race, gender identity, socioeconomic status, and education level.

Imagine a protective wall designed to shield you from emotional harm slowly crumbling under the relentless assault of misunderstood intentions and inadequate support. Each insensitive comment chips away at resilience; each thoughtful gesture rebuilds it.

What then is the path forward? How can friends, family members, colleagues, and even casual acquaintances better support those living with depression?

Firstly: Listen actively. Genuine listening without judgment creates a safe harbour where people can express vulnerability without fear.

Secondly: Be consistent in outreach. A quick message or call saying “I’m thinking of you” means more than waiting for the person to ask for help.

Thirdly: Educate yourself about depression’s realities—its symptoms, treatments, and challenges—to avoid unhelpful clichés.

Finally: Encourage professional help while respecting individual pace and readiness.

Living with depression is not a linear journey; it involves setbacks and progress intertwined like threads in a tapestry. Those affected are not defined by their diagnosis or their lowest moments but by their ongoing courage in facing an often invisible adversary.

In acknowledging this complexity—and recognising that good intentions alone are not enough—we move closer to creating a society where empathy replaces stigma and support replaces silence.

Avoid leaving someone stranded with vague offers of help; refrain from nostalgic comparisons that may bring guilt; never dismiss their pain with simplistic commands to ‘just get over it’. Instead, offer steadfast presence, understanding, and genuine compassion—because sometimes what’s needed most isn’t advice but simply someone willing to stay through the storm.